The clarifying experience of becoming a parent

Wisdom from Bob Odenkirk

Credit: AMC

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I had a different post I was going to publish today, but thanks to some recent changes to my job I’ve had a lot less time for extracurricular writing lately and I just didn’t get it to a point where I was happy with it. (Less time is also why I’ve been even worse than normal at responding to comments on this blog. Apologies.)

So instead I’m doing a quick hit to highlight this clip of actor Bob Odenkirk, who is best known for playing Saul Goodman in the Breaking Bad franchise (but who also memorably played a not-so-intelligent would-be doctor on Seinfeld). In the clip, Odenkirk says he’s jealous of people with small kids at home because in that phase of life he had a strong sense of purpose.

“There’s no question I knew what I was doing when I had kids growing up. I was being a dad. I mean, that was my job.”

As someone currently in that phase of life, I can say that he is exactly right. Small kids aren’t always easy, but being a parent is an incredibly clarifying experience. No matter what else is going on in my life, knowing that my kids are depending on me reminds me what really matters. I delayed having kids for a long time, while also sort of searching (fruitlessly) for a sense of community and purpose. But it turns out these things are more connected than I realized — which Odenkirk’s comments capture.

But my question is this: Can that sense of purpose last longer? Can the idea that a person’s main job is to play a role in a family not extend beyond the little kid phase? Are there not patriarchs and matriarchs of families that still have this attitude — that they “know what they’re doing” — well into later phases of life?

My kids are still little so I can’t say from experience. And I have no doubt that families change as kids get older (I mean, I’ve watched the large family I grew up in evolve, obviously). But I do hope that what Odenkirk is talking about doesn’t have to be limited to a family’s earliest phases. If my main job is being a dad now, perhaps it can also be — should also be — being a dad even when my kids grow up. But I guess we’ll see!

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