Such a good point! One of the things I loved about your essay at IFS was that it’s not necessary to wait for government to fix stuff. Instead you can locate the “locus of control,” within yourself which is psychologically a much better place to put it.
I want to agree with this piece. But while I like the theory (and I'm a huge fan of stronger extended family connections), I haven't seen this work very well in practice. This is on my mind because we just visited some of our relatives whose adult children all live at home. We have several cousins on that side of the family who have chosen to stay at home into their 30s for financial reasons. It's saved them money, but it's been debilitating for their growth. None of those cousins have gotten married, sought advanced education, achieved career goals, or developed independent social lives.
To be clear, I have other relatives who struggled in their 20s and were unable to move out, and for them living at home was a huge benefit. But for those who could have moved out and chose not to in order to save money, there ended up being hidden costs to their personal growth, which ultimately has altered the overall trajectory of the family's intergenerational success. I guess what I mean is they chose short term financial advantages over longterm investments in the future success of the family.
Man, it seems so obvious now that you say it... but letting young adults live with parents if possible and agreeable, saving on rent, is not nothing! It seems that our ideal and norm of individualism --a complete severing of that village in geographic and day-today-ways-- has left many parents thinking the *only* way to help out kids is literally cash support or gifts. But like you said, sure, maybe we won't all be able to do that outright, but some of the benefit is there in simply saving them rent, for instance. That adds up, too.
It also requires some foresight and adjusting our imaginations and expectations for that to even be an option. For many people, it's not even on the radar! It wasn't for my family, really, except for my older brother who didn't exactly thrive in college and needed some help getting his feet off the ground in adulthood. But the intergeneration model of support shouldn't be a "last resort", and I wish I didn't have that attitude about their arrangement at the time.
Such a good point! One of the things I loved about your essay at IFS was that it’s not necessary to wait for government to fix stuff. Instead you can locate the “locus of control,” within yourself which is psychologically a much better place to put it.
Great piece
I want to agree with this piece. But while I like the theory (and I'm a huge fan of stronger extended family connections), I haven't seen this work very well in practice. This is on my mind because we just visited some of our relatives whose adult children all live at home. We have several cousins on that side of the family who have chosen to stay at home into their 30s for financial reasons. It's saved them money, but it's been debilitating for their growth. None of those cousins have gotten married, sought advanced education, achieved career goals, or developed independent social lives.
To be clear, I have other relatives who struggled in their 20s and were unable to move out, and for them living at home was a huge benefit. But for those who could have moved out and chose not to in order to save money, there ended up being hidden costs to their personal growth, which ultimately has altered the overall trajectory of the family's intergenerational success. I guess what I mean is they chose short term financial advantages over longterm investments in the future success of the family.
Man, it seems so obvious now that you say it... but letting young adults live with parents if possible and agreeable, saving on rent, is not nothing! It seems that our ideal and norm of individualism --a complete severing of that village in geographic and day-today-ways-- has left many parents thinking the *only* way to help out kids is literally cash support or gifts. But like you said, sure, maybe we won't all be able to do that outright, but some of the benefit is there in simply saving them rent, for instance. That adds up, too.
It also requires some foresight and adjusting our imaginations and expectations for that to even be an option. For many people, it's not even on the radar! It wasn't for my family, really, except for my older brother who didn't exactly thrive in college and needed some help getting his feet off the ground in adulthood. But the intergeneration model of support shouldn't be a "last resort", and I wish I didn't have that attitude about their arrangement at the time.
Great piece!