In looking back, I think one aspect of parenting that is so amazing is that you develop so many skills and interests outside of your normal range on behalf of your kid. But one of the richest things for me, was falling in love with, and supporting my children's friends and by extension their families too. Why? Because we needed a village to help us raise our kids.
I volunteered in all of my kids' classrooms when they were young, and a benefit of that was that I got to know the other kids & their parents early on. I liked the other kids and they knew it. LOL, how could I not like them? They were young and sweet and they liked my kid! I felt that building those additional relationships was important and it turned out that it was. I also appreciated when other parents reached out and helped my kid or supported them.
I am glad that I grew up knowing I wanted a family, and that I wanted it sooner rather than later. I loved my dad, but I knew that he wished they had waited to have kids. He was 24 when I arrived, I was almost 22 when my first was born. In hindsight, my dad wanted to have been more set up before kids although they had a house younger than we did. We didn't buy our first house until we had 4 kids. My husband got his bachelors when we had two, then his masters when we had 4, and I don't regret starting out quickly. My children have and continue to bring much joy and happiness into our lives.
For me, I feel that I became less selfish, more compassionate, more understanding, more appreciative and most definitely, happier by having children.
In my experience making observations in real life and online, the ones who are happiest in marriage and parenting are the ones who don't make them out to be capstone rewards, but just..... part of building a good life. Even if you start early and under sub-optimal conditions.
Totally agree. Treating a family like it's an add-on accessory, rather than a needed part of a full life, seems to not be working out for some of my friends.
In looking back, I think one aspect of parenting that is so amazing is that you develop so many skills and interests outside of your normal range on behalf of your kid. But one of the richest things for me, was falling in love with, and supporting my children's friends and by extension their families too. Why? Because we needed a village to help us raise our kids.
I volunteered in all of my kids' classrooms when they were young, and a benefit of that was that I got to know the other kids & their parents early on. I liked the other kids and they knew it. LOL, how could I not like them? They were young and sweet and they liked my kid! I felt that building those additional relationships was important and it turned out that it was. I also appreciated when other parents reached out and helped my kid or supported them.
I am glad that I grew up knowing I wanted a family, and that I wanted it sooner rather than later. I loved my dad, but I knew that he wished they had waited to have kids. He was 24 when I arrived, I was almost 22 when my first was born. In hindsight, my dad wanted to have been more set up before kids although they had a house younger than we did. We didn't buy our first house until we had 4 kids. My husband got his bachelors when we had two, then his masters when we had 4, and I don't regret starting out quickly. My children have and continue to bring much joy and happiness into our lives.
For me, I feel that I became less selfish, more compassionate, more understanding, more appreciative and most definitely, happier by having children.
Love these thoughts. Reminds me of this part of a thread from Lyman Stone (https://twitter.com/lymanstoneky/status/1620456499284672514?s=20&t=FG_vb71GB6EGzQiw1UMwag) bringing up the idea of "capstone kids" — in the same vein as "capstone marriages" (vs. "cornerstone" ones).
In my experience making observations in real life and online, the ones who are happiest in marriage and parenting are the ones who don't make them out to be capstone rewards, but just..... part of building a good life. Even if you start early and under sub-optimal conditions.
Totally agree. Treating a family like it's an add-on accessory, rather than a needed part of a full life, seems to not be working out for some of my friends.