What a beautiful way to view family vacations! My husband grew up without any cousins; his parents each have a few siblings, but they're the only ones who had any children. Their attitude seems to be the opposite to your parents as well; they act like any family function is "incomplete" without every one of their adult children present. As you can imagine, it gets frustrating at times.
Thank you for writing this piece! It’s helpful to have a model of village life and see how it plays out practically. It’s definitely a blessing to have so many village-engaged siblings!
You are 100% right! Travel is an excellent way to signal village capabilities, and this is even more important for younger, more mobile generations. Problem solving, multigenerational potential/reality (and lore), pooled skills/money, and informal tabs are foundational qualities in what are comparatively high stress situations in relation to daily life. Failing these factors can also explain why relationships can end after trips. Gauging for village potential vs actual village building can be important in ways we overlook when the ante is typically expected to be financial.
You might find these interesting, and along the same lines of your own exploration, especially the change in their Las Vegas properties from condos to homes and how they orchestrate ownership of their island:
I’m one of 4 (husband is one of 5) and we all have 3+ kids, so we do the same when it comes to travel/family reunions. I have many fond memories of family reunions when I was a kid, mostly because I had so many cousins to play with—20 on my mom’s side (she’s one of 6) and over 50 on my dad’s (he’s one of 9). Also, I agree with you that relationships between adult siblings are underrated!
I also remember big huge family reunions when I was a kid. It seemed like they were absolutely massive in my family, but I'm now sort of wondering who all those people were haha.
Wow. I can't help but be envious. I'm an only child and my husband is one of three. We have three kids of our own, but no one else in our generation does. If the extended family are getting together, we are the de facto hosts, because our nuclear family of 5 makes up half of the extended family!
This makes me thing of something: both of my parents grew up in smaller families, and didn't have super close relationships with most of their adult siblings. Then they (I think entirely by accident) ended up being the starting generation for this big family thing we have going now.
I think about that a lot whenever I see a family that has an even more robust village than mine. Someone had to start it.
I come from a smaller family, 3rd of 4 and not all of us have kids but I find again, as in your last post on family travel, my good experience and hopeful outlook on family travel mirrors yours.
My hope is that this works at any size, because I have three kids and several of my siblings don't have any. But I'm hopeful that the group can endure even when there's not a huge core group of siblings as is the case in my generation.
I have done cottage stays with my wife’s parents and siblings for a few years now. These visits are where family lore is passed down, understandings are negotiated and you get a better sense of where the other person is coming from.
There are a few downsides. Equal sharing sounds great, but there’s plenty of room for misunderstanding if one side brings more food, wants to take an outing one day, or brings a boat. I also found that if you are the better off family member you end of subsidizing the rest or you have to dial your expectations down and travel on the cheap.
What a beautiful way to view family vacations! My husband grew up without any cousins; his parents each have a few siblings, but they're the only ones who had any children. Their attitude seems to be the opposite to your parents as well; they act like any family function is "incomplete" without every one of their adult children present. As you can imagine, it gets frustrating at times.
I wonder if its a generational thing? It seems like a lot of people in the generation of above me share a similar outlook on this.
Thank you for writing this piece! It’s helpful to have a model of village life and see how it plays out practically. It’s definitely a blessing to have so many village-engaged siblings!
It definitely is a blessing. And thank you!!
You are 100% right! Travel is an excellent way to signal village capabilities, and this is even more important for younger, more mobile generations. Problem solving, multigenerational potential/reality (and lore), pooled skills/money, and informal tabs are foundational qualities in what are comparatively high stress situations in relation to daily life. Failing these factors can also explain why relationships can end after trips. Gauging for village potential vs actual village building can be important in ways we overlook when the ante is typically expected to be financial.
You might find these interesting, and along the same lines of your own exploration, especially the change in their Las Vegas properties from condos to homes and how they orchestrate ownership of their island:
tynan.com/blog/2016/10/12/empire
tynan.com/blog/2023/05/05/neighbors
That's super interesting stuff. I wasn't familiar with tynan before but I'm gonna have to go down that rabbit hole now!
I’m one of 4 (husband is one of 5) and we all have 3+ kids, so we do the same when it comes to travel/family reunions. I have many fond memories of family reunions when I was a kid, mostly because I had so many cousins to play with—20 on my mom’s side (she’s one of 6) and over 50 on my dad’s (he’s one of 9). Also, I agree with you that relationships between adult siblings are underrated!
I also remember big huge family reunions when I was a kid. It seemed like they were absolutely massive in my family, but I'm now sort of wondering who all those people were haha.
Wow. I can't help but be envious. I'm an only child and my husband is one of three. We have three kids of our own, but no one else in our generation does. If the extended family are getting together, we are the de facto hosts, because our nuclear family of 5 makes up half of the extended family!
This makes me thing of something: both of my parents grew up in smaller families, and didn't have super close relationships with most of their adult siblings. Then they (I think entirely by accident) ended up being the starting generation for this big family thing we have going now.
I think about that a lot whenever I see a family that has an even more robust village than mine. Someone had to start it.
That's what I hope for with our kids - it's encouraging that you can see that your parents started this for your family!
I come from a smaller family, 3rd of 4 and not all of us have kids but I find again, as in your last post on family travel, my good experience and hopeful outlook on family travel mirrors yours.
My hope is that this works at any size, because I have three kids and several of my siblings don't have any. But I'm hopeful that the group can endure even when there's not a huge core group of siblings as is the case in my generation.
I have done cottage stays with my wife’s parents and siblings for a few years now. These visits are where family lore is passed down, understandings are negotiated and you get a better sense of where the other person is coming from.
There are a few downsides. Equal sharing sounds great, but there’s plenty of room for misunderstanding if one side brings more food, wants to take an outing one day, or brings a boat. I also found that if you are the better off family member you end of subsidizing the rest or you have to dial your expectations down and travel on the cheap.