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I think there actually is a way to synthesize these two points of view. The sins of the parents in Encanto and Seeing Red are that they tried too hard to impose a particular way of life on the child. They were good parents, but they weren’t great parents because they weren’t willing to step aside and let their teenager self-actualize.

If this is in fact the message, it is a bad message. Teenagers have lots of bad ideas about what will help them grow up and become fully human. They will all have to self-actualize in some way, but parents should guide this process, and be free to stop kids from going down some paths.

I would also add, more controversially, that if a parent has made a decision to raise a child in a particular culture, with particular values, they have the right to see that project through in the teenage years. For example, I think it would be acceptable for a Jewish parent to force a teenager to get their bar/bat mitzvah. These parents presumably think there is some benefit to practicing a traditional religion, and have the right to ensure that a teenager doesn’t foolishly let go of something they will value as an adult.

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