A couple of years ago, my boomer parents moved from Oregon, where we live, to the East Coast. Because we live in a town with only a regional flight network, it takes two flights, several hundred dollars per ticket, and approximately 12 hours to reach them. They have one child (me) and one grandchild (my daughter). I remember telling my husband tearfully one night that I’d never in a million years be able to figure out why they were okay with the new reality: that instead of seeing their only daughter and grandchild at least once a week, they’d now be seeing us maybe once a year. At their age, that means they are likely to see us maybe ten or twelve more times before they die, if we’re lucky. So that’s heartbreaking. But, to be honest, even while they lived near us, they never once volunteered for childcare. We had to ask, every single time. I finally came to terms with the fact that they just don’t want to grandparent. I’d think my story was a one-off, but I hear the same thing from my friends. As just one example I could give, a married couple we know with two kids, both parents working full-time, has both sets of healthy, retired grandparents living within a 45-minute drive. Yet my friend reports that neither her parents nor her husband’s parents have ever offered to keep the kids for an evening so they can go on a date, much less for a weekend so they can get away together for the first time since their honeymoon. And certainly not during the workday. It’s like pulling teeth every time they have to ask one of the grandparents for help, with lots of hemming and hawing and complaining and guilt. Not to mention the third degree about how mom and dad are planning to use that free time. And these two particular kids are truly delightful! Our friends have now mostly given up asking for help. So I see how people can start to cling to the notion of a friend circle or chosen family, picking up some of that slack, even when that’s likely not ideal. For a lot of us, the boomer grandparents really have abdicated, as you noted, leaving the less-viable option as maybe the only real choice.
Nov 17, 2023·edited Nov 17, 2023Liked by Jim Dalrymple II
As for footnote 2..... we (and therefore our kids) see my husband's parents twice a year, since they are many states away. It's honestly pretty devastating when my husband thinks about it.
Also, a few weeks after I read about The Villages I saw someone on social media sharing photos from a family trip to visit their mother.... at The Villages. It was kind of a twilight zone moment where worlds collided. haha
Hopefully you've seen this by now, Jim, but please when you get the chance, we need your thoughts on this article. It address the village aspect and a lot of other things you post about. I'd be thrilled to hear your opinion on it.
A couple of years ago, my boomer parents moved from Oregon, where we live, to the East Coast. Because we live in a town with only a regional flight network, it takes two flights, several hundred dollars per ticket, and approximately 12 hours to reach them. They have one child (me) and one grandchild (my daughter). I remember telling my husband tearfully one night that I’d never in a million years be able to figure out why they were okay with the new reality: that instead of seeing their only daughter and grandchild at least once a week, they’d now be seeing us maybe once a year. At their age, that means they are likely to see us maybe ten or twelve more times before they die, if we’re lucky. So that’s heartbreaking. But, to be honest, even while they lived near us, they never once volunteered for childcare. We had to ask, every single time. I finally came to terms with the fact that they just don’t want to grandparent. I’d think my story was a one-off, but I hear the same thing from my friends. As just one example I could give, a married couple we know with two kids, both parents working full-time, has both sets of healthy, retired grandparents living within a 45-minute drive. Yet my friend reports that neither her parents nor her husband’s parents have ever offered to keep the kids for an evening so they can go on a date, much less for a weekend so they can get away together for the first time since their honeymoon. And certainly not during the workday. It’s like pulling teeth every time they have to ask one of the grandparents for help, with lots of hemming and hawing and complaining and guilt. Not to mention the third degree about how mom and dad are planning to use that free time. And these two particular kids are truly delightful! Our friends have now mostly given up asking for help. So I see how people can start to cling to the notion of a friend circle or chosen family, picking up some of that slack, even when that’s likely not ideal. For a lot of us, the boomer grandparents really have abdicated, as you noted, leaving the less-viable option as maybe the only real choice.
As for footnote 2..... we (and therefore our kids) see my husband's parents twice a year, since they are many states away. It's honestly pretty devastating when my husband thinks about it.
Also, a few weeks after I read about The Villages I saw someone on social media sharing photos from a family trip to visit their mother.... at The Villages. It was kind of a twilight zone moment where worlds collided. haha
Hopefully you've seen this by now, Jim, but please when you get the chance, we need your thoughts on this article. It address the village aspect and a lot of other things you post about. I'd be thrilled to hear your opinion on it.
https://www.businessinsider.com/millennial-gen-z-parents-struggle-lonely-childcare-costs-money-friends-2023-11