This is great. Beyond loudness, or kind of interacting with it, is the inherent unpredictability of kids. I've even seen my dad struggle with this around my kids. Adult life around other adults is pleasantly *predictable*. At a gathering with other adults, you can be almost certain that no one will: start crying; get loudly upset; knock a glass over; demand to walk out early; fall asleep in the car on the way there; arrive 20 minutes late because they refused to put their shoes on. But with kids, there's a chance that any or all of those things happen.
Maybe a small chance, and those odds can be improved! But I think of it like D&D: even if you invest skill points to boost your stats, or rolled a strong character to start (i.e. have parented them well, or got lucky with easy kids), every kid will roll a critical fail from time to time, and you can never be sure when. Adults just need to learn that that happens and it's ok! It isn't the end of the world! A spilled drink can be picked up. A fussy kid can be calmed. The food can be taken to go. The party will go on, and some people will miss the first part or will leave early. Parenting (and existing with kids) just requires us to learn to adapt, and to live with uncertainty.
Also to extend the D&D analogy further: plans with kids work best if they don't count on a long string of successful rolls. Kids need breaks and to recharge (actually adults do too, and a benefit of living with kids is being reminded of that fact!).
I recently went to a Panera to do some writing on a Friday night; we had a babysitter and my husband was working on a project. There were three kids running around my outdoor table while their moms chatted nearby. It was a little frustrating and didn’t help my concentration, but I didn’t say a word because it was so refreshing to see kids playing with each other, not devices. They invented a game and squabbled about the rules, ultimately cooperating with each other and having fun; it was glorious. I told one of the moms when they were leaving that it was nice to see kids not glued to iPads, and she said it scares her how many of them are.
Great take on the issue of "loud kids" annoying adults in public places. I love taking my kids out to eat, and not just to the 2 or 3 places here in West LA that parents all agree are the "kid-friendly" ones. No devices either. I'm hoping maybe we force the community to feel like a village when we just show up with our loud kids. Hopefully all the adults at the restaurant will become conditioned to the extra noise, just like I am now.
Love this. My public parents were public school, teachers, my mom, the oldest of eight, my dad, the middle of seven, family gatherings on either side of the family involved a lot of noise, and in Illinois in the winter in small houses it was even noisier.
Due to infertility we only had one daughter but most of my friends had multiple children. One of the advantages of living in a major older urban city like Chicago is there is lots of starter housing, lots of parks, lots of public space. Can check out a library card to go to various museums and boy did be another mother’s take advantage of those museums in the winter.
I honestly think that in some cases, the “bad parenting” comments, or just the loudest in the room. We’ve been in restaurants with lots of older people where kids have had meltdowns or were noisy and most of us just really enjoyed seeing and being with families complainers are loud, the rest of us are too busy, enjoying ourselves with our friends or frankly, enjoying being around the kids anyway.
This is great. Beyond loudness, or kind of interacting with it, is the inherent unpredictability of kids. I've even seen my dad struggle with this around my kids. Adult life around other adults is pleasantly *predictable*. At a gathering with other adults, you can be almost certain that no one will: start crying; get loudly upset; knock a glass over; demand to walk out early; fall asleep in the car on the way there; arrive 20 minutes late because they refused to put their shoes on. But with kids, there's a chance that any or all of those things happen.
Maybe a small chance, and those odds can be improved! But I think of it like D&D: even if you invest skill points to boost your stats, or rolled a strong character to start (i.e. have parented them well, or got lucky with easy kids), every kid will roll a critical fail from time to time, and you can never be sure when. Adults just need to learn that that happens and it's ok! It isn't the end of the world! A spilled drink can be picked up. A fussy kid can be calmed. The food can be taken to go. The party will go on, and some people will miss the first part or will leave early. Parenting (and existing with kids) just requires us to learn to adapt, and to live with uncertainty.
Also to extend the D&D analogy further: plans with kids work best if they don't count on a long string of successful rolls. Kids need breaks and to recharge (actually adults do too, and a benefit of living with kids is being reminded of that fact!).
I recently went to a Panera to do some writing on a Friday night; we had a babysitter and my husband was working on a project. There were three kids running around my outdoor table while their moms chatted nearby. It was a little frustrating and didn’t help my concentration, but I didn’t say a word because it was so refreshing to see kids playing with each other, not devices. They invented a game and squabbled about the rules, ultimately cooperating with each other and having fun; it was glorious. I told one of the moms when they were leaving that it was nice to see kids not glued to iPads, and she said it scares her how many of them are.
Man oh man. The often unrealistic expectations of children in supposedly child-welcoming spaces, like church.
Great take on the issue of "loud kids" annoying adults in public places. I love taking my kids out to eat, and not just to the 2 or 3 places here in West LA that parents all agree are the "kid-friendly" ones. No devices either. I'm hoping maybe we force the community to feel like a village when we just show up with our loud kids. Hopefully all the adults at the restaurant will become conditioned to the extra noise, just like I am now.
Love this. My public parents were public school, teachers, my mom, the oldest of eight, my dad, the middle of seven, family gatherings on either side of the family involved a lot of noise, and in Illinois in the winter in small houses it was even noisier.
Due to infertility we only had one daughter but most of my friends had multiple children. One of the advantages of living in a major older urban city like Chicago is there is lots of starter housing, lots of parks, lots of public space. Can check out a library card to go to various museums and boy did be another mother’s take advantage of those museums in the winter.
I honestly think that in some cases, the “bad parenting” comments, or just the loudest in the room. We’ve been in restaurants with lots of older people where kids have had meltdowns or were noisy and most of us just really enjoyed seeing and being with families complainers are loud, the rest of us are too busy, enjoying ourselves with our friends or frankly, enjoying being around the kids anyway.