What a great piece! This makes me think of my Irish Catholic forbears, who saw intra-family and intra-community loyalty as almost a religion in and of itself.
One of my uncles is intellectually disabled and he was physically bullied until my Grandma told her other sons it was their duty to “sort out” the bullies (which they did). The idea of going to the school, let alone the police, to solve this problem would have mortified my grandparents. You were supposed to deal with things on your own. It was like a code within the community, even among people who didn’t like each other.
I have mixed feelings about this approach but I do think siblings sticking up for each other is probably better than the “I don’t owe anyone anything” culture we have now. Then again, this intense sense of loyalty was also, I am convinced, a huge driver in the Catholic sexual abuse crisis, so it’s far from innocuous.
I love this. I also have mixed feelings about some of these things, but I do like the idea of feeling a duty to defend your siblings in some way. And I also love the idea that family loyalty is a kind of religion in its own right.
Great article! And I'll check out both linked posts. I think and write about villages a lot and I appreciate your footnote too. People like us, who want villages, need to do a better job explaining what a village is and what it means in the 21st century. I think most people know that a village also means a loss of choice and no one likes that. Anyone who actually moves their life toward a village would have to be sure the benefit is larger than the burden.
Thanks! I initially conceived of several posts on all these different things, but I have too many unfinished drafts so tried to bring several ideas together. I'm glad it wasn't too jumbled haha!
It's infinitely harder to get the "village" experience the more diverse your society is. In order for the village to work, you first need a homogenous culture. That's part of why the Western world has moved away from the pluralistic society.
I would agree, which is why I think it's useful for it to begin at the family level. I don't know if individuals building their own villages at that level would work as a society-wide solution. It very well may not. But I do know people doing with the families so my theory is that even in a pluralistic society it can still happen. But it is interesting looking at, say, the social safety net in places that are more homogenous (Scandinavia comes to mind) and seeing that they function in a more village like way at scale.
“A village is made up of people who are loyal, sometimes to a fault and even when that loyalty costs them something.” Yes. It’s just too easy to not be loyal when we can so easily “connect” with anyone (via the Internet). I’ve also long had a sense that much of our relational dysfunction stems from a lack of good parenting—from both people who didn’t take parenting seriously (and just wanted to largely continue with their pre-kid lives) and people who did but parented in ways steeped in disconnection and conditional love.
re: the ease of connection, it's an interesting point because I tend to find that I want things to be easy, but then when they are they're also often more fleeting.
What a great piece! This makes me think of my Irish Catholic forbears, who saw intra-family and intra-community loyalty as almost a religion in and of itself.
One of my uncles is intellectually disabled and he was physically bullied until my Grandma told her other sons it was their duty to “sort out” the bullies (which they did). The idea of going to the school, let alone the police, to solve this problem would have mortified my grandparents. You were supposed to deal with things on your own. It was like a code within the community, even among people who didn’t like each other.
I have mixed feelings about this approach but I do think siblings sticking up for each other is probably better than the “I don’t owe anyone anything” culture we have now. Then again, this intense sense of loyalty was also, I am convinced, a huge driver in the Catholic sexual abuse crisis, so it’s far from innocuous.
I love this. I also have mixed feelings about some of these things, but I do like the idea of feeling a duty to defend your siblings in some way. And I also love the idea that family loyalty is a kind of religion in its own right.
Great article! And I'll check out both linked posts. I think and write about villages a lot and I appreciate your footnote too. People like us, who want villages, need to do a better job explaining what a village is and what it means in the 21st century. I think most people know that a village also means a loss of choice and no one likes that. Anyone who actually moves their life toward a village would have to be sure the benefit is larger than the burden.
Thanks! I can't believe I hadn't subscribed to your substack yet. I just did it!
And yeah this: I think most people know that a village also means a loss of choice and no one likes that.
I sort of try in many of these posts to basically say this without saying it ha. I agree people don't like it, and I was that person for a long time.
Thanks! what changed it for you?
Tied together a lot of good threads - excellent, and a lot to chew on.
Thanks! I initially conceived of several posts on all these different things, but I have too many unfinished drafts so tried to bring several ideas together. I'm glad it wasn't too jumbled haha!
not the noted proponent of family loyalty 🤣😭
I'm so glad someone got that lol. I wasn't sure if anyone would
I too am a consumer of the highest culture.
It's infinitely harder to get the "village" experience the more diverse your society is. In order for the village to work, you first need a homogenous culture. That's part of why the Western world has moved away from the pluralistic society.
I would agree, which is why I think it's useful for it to begin at the family level. I don't know if individuals building their own villages at that level would work as a society-wide solution. It very well may not. But I do know people doing with the families so my theory is that even in a pluralistic society it can still happen. But it is interesting looking at, say, the social safety net in places that are more homogenous (Scandinavia comes to mind) and seeing that they function in a more village like way at scale.
“A village is made up of people who are loyal, sometimes to a fault and even when that loyalty costs them something.” Yes. It’s just too easy to not be loyal when we can so easily “connect” with anyone (via the Internet). I’ve also long had a sense that much of our relational dysfunction stems from a lack of good parenting—from both people who didn’t take parenting seriously (and just wanted to largely continue with their pre-kid lives) and people who did but parented in ways steeped in disconnection and conditional love.
Great piece!
Thanks so much and agreed!
re: the ease of connection, it's an interesting point because I tend to find that I want things to be easy, but then when they are they're also often more fleeting.