I read “A Good Man is Hard to Find” in a women’s book group (that I lead) while postpartum with my third. 😵💫 Poor life choice on my part. Even though I now love Flannery O’Connor and think she was a genius. More on topic to what you wrote: I loved this essay, Jim. Sometimes I think it’s easier for women to make friends in adulthood. We have book groups, playgroups, homeschool groups, Bible study groups, knitting groups, etc., etc., etc. I don’t (think?) the same kind of choices exist for men.
Thanks! And yeah, I agree there's a gender dynamic when it comes to friendships. In theory those things could exist. Like, I have lots of interests... I could theoretically form groups around them. And that's true of most guys I know. And yet, for whatever reason it seems like we guys just don't do that very much. I don't know why.
I think the key to making friends as an adult is groups that meet regularly, whether it’s a hobby group, an alumni group, religious services, etc. It’s way harder to try to make friends off the strength of one conversation and arrange follow-up plans! I met my husband and several other friends in a running club in my neighborhood :)
100% agreed. There was a piece in the NYT years and years ago about making friends over 30. I feel like a lot of people I know read it, but anyway there was a line in there about how to make friends you need repeated, unplanned interactions. It was literally just a single line in the article, but I've never been able to stop thinking about that.
The contrapositive of O’Connor’s title is also true: if your man was easy to find, he’s bad!
Such a good point!
I read “A Good Man is Hard to Find” in a women’s book group (that I lead) while postpartum with my third. 😵💫 Poor life choice on my part. Even though I now love Flannery O’Connor and think she was a genius. More on topic to what you wrote: I loved this essay, Jim. Sometimes I think it’s easier for women to make friends in adulthood. We have book groups, playgroups, homeschool groups, Bible study groups, knitting groups, etc., etc., etc. I don’t (think?) the same kind of choices exist for men.
Thanks! And yeah, I agree there's a gender dynamic when it comes to friendships. In theory those things could exist. Like, I have lots of interests... I could theoretically form groups around them. And that's true of most guys I know. And yet, for whatever reason it seems like we guys just don't do that very much. I don't know why.
I think the key to making friends as an adult is groups that meet regularly, whether it’s a hobby group, an alumni group, religious services, etc. It’s way harder to try to make friends off the strength of one conversation and arrange follow-up plans! I met my husband and several other friends in a running club in my neighborhood :)
100% agreed. There was a piece in the NYT years and years ago about making friends over 30. I feel like a lot of people I know read it, but anyway there was a line in there about how to make friends you need repeated, unplanned interactions. It was literally just a single line in the article, but I've never been able to stop thinking about that.