I appreciate how well you articulate these concepts—I saw this exact phenomenon popping up in post-Mormon circles. I had a well-intentioned exmo friend say that everyone who raises their children inside Mormonism is abusive. I had lots of issues with that—even though I had plenty of negative experiences inside the church, I would never classify my childhood as abusive. I also had lots of negative experiences in middle school and soccer practice and at birthday parties—but that doesn't make my participation in those things traumatic, and it doesn't make those situations abusive.
I also have extended family members who were physically abused as children, and claiming that I was also abused because of my Mormon upbringing felt particularly insensitive and disingenuous. Just because something is harmful doesn't mean it's abusive, and being willing to hold the boundaries of what is and isn't abuse is actually better for victims of abuse in the long run.
I also see this kind of concept creep when people talk about the Mormon church being a cult—there are definitely elements of groupthink and limiting information in the church, but most folks can leave the organization without worrying about their physical safety, for example. And most folks can still communicate with members who are still inside the church, though yeah, those relationships can experience serious strain afterwards.
I wonder if it can be helpful to see these things as being similar to abuse, or similar to cults, or similar to trauma without actually being the thing. I think it could help people expand their sense of compassion for others, but I think we need to avoid the very "pick me" move of claiming trauma and abuse when our experiences don't actually measure up to those labels.
Love this. About half way through reading I thought, "yes, and this reminds me of how people call Mormonism a cult." Ha, and then you beat me to that point! I agree with your point about similarity. It makes me think that people are not great at seeing things on a spectrum. Like, bad things can happen, but be at a relatively benign place on the spectrum compared to more severe things. idk but I think you make some great points about how this applies in a religious context.
I appreciate how well you articulate these concepts—I saw this exact phenomenon popping up in post-Mormon circles. I had a well-intentioned exmo friend say that everyone who raises their children inside Mormonism is abusive. I had lots of issues with that—even though I had plenty of negative experiences inside the church, I would never classify my childhood as abusive. I also had lots of negative experiences in middle school and soccer practice and at birthday parties—but that doesn't make my participation in those things traumatic, and it doesn't make those situations abusive.
I also have extended family members who were physically abused as children, and claiming that I was also abused because of my Mormon upbringing felt particularly insensitive and disingenuous. Just because something is harmful doesn't mean it's abusive, and being willing to hold the boundaries of what is and isn't abuse is actually better for victims of abuse in the long run.
I also see this kind of concept creep when people talk about the Mormon church being a cult—there are definitely elements of groupthink and limiting information in the church, but most folks can leave the organization without worrying about their physical safety, for example. And most folks can still communicate with members who are still inside the church, though yeah, those relationships can experience serious strain afterwards.
I wonder if it can be helpful to see these things as being similar to abuse, or similar to cults, or similar to trauma without actually being the thing. I think it could help people expand their sense of compassion for others, but I think we need to avoid the very "pick me" move of claiming trauma and abuse when our experiences don't actually measure up to those labels.
When everything is abuse, nothing is.
Love this. About half way through reading I thought, "yes, and this reminds me of how people call Mormonism a cult." Ha, and then you beat me to that point! I agree with your point about similarity. It makes me think that people are not great at seeing things on a spectrum. Like, bad things can happen, but be at a relatively benign place on the spectrum compared to more severe things. idk but I think you make some great points about how this applies in a religious context.