Yes, yes to both points! Re: literal villages... we used to live about a 45-minute drive (from one end of the Twin Cities, MN to the other) from my husband's parents and several siblings, and we saw them about once a month. We now live 3.2 miles from my parents and .4 mile from my other two siblings (they live on the same street a house apart), in a small rural town. It's not without its downsides, but it was the #1 reason we relocated and a total gamechanger.
I think what is most frustrating about this set of arguments re cars is how much I want to agree with it but have seen firsthand that it is impossible, at least where I live.
In the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago it has become downright dangerous to be a pedestrian post covid. Yes, of course, we still do it - but every single day cars run stop signs and red lights. This year the city passed a law that allows bike riders and motorized scooter riders to legally treat red lights as yield signs. I routinely see cars go 60 and even 70 miles an hour down my neighborhood streets if there is no traffic preventing the speed.
And giving traffic tickets or speeding tickets seems to have fallen completely out of favor. The common understanding is that cops no longer do that so you might as well drive as you please, screw the general populace.
It has made urban living materially less compelling and ensures it will be many years before my children have the freedom to move around the city independently.
In general this seems to encapsulate much of my experience with the general attitude towards children and society that has played out in recent years - the individual should never have to subsume their desires, however minute, to what might be best for others or society collectively. And the wants or needs of children no longer matter more than grown adults.
Safetyism is in an arms race with ever faster, bigger cars which pose a real risk to children. Vehicle crashes cause the second-most deaths in children (second only recently to guns). I think parents are correctly gauging the risk that drivers pose to unattended children and thus keeping them either inside, in back yards, or under supervision at all times. It sucks for everyone!
And of course it’s the car that gave rise to our sprawling suburbs, the fenced-off, spread-out opposite of a village.
In Gastonia, NC, two parents allowed their 7 and 10 year old children to walk two blocks to go home from the grocery store. The younger child was fatally struck by an SUV. The parents have been charged with involuntary manslaughter and felony child neglect. The driver was charged with nothing.
I only just discovered your substack so forgive me if you've already read this, but I think a review of Diane Alisa's "Love Letter to Suburbia" would be awesome. She's also a Utah parent who writes about "re-villaging" the U.S.
> Everyone involved was well-intentioned and I don’t begrudge the teacher or office staff. They were looking out for my kid, which is great.
Or more pessimistically, they were covering their ass to prevent lawsuits. It’s hard to understate how much of safety culture comes from the fact that a) any random person can trigger a business-ruining lawsuit and b) every business has to work with this random untrusted people.
(I’m sure to the teachers you’re not a rando and their justification was that they have “policies in place,” but these policies were set one level up by people to whom you and the teachers really are just untrusted randos)
Living near family is a major thing- speaking as a military spouse a several hour plane ride from grandparents. The outside part got me too. We spent a year in a downtown area of Pittsburgh. The “backyard” wasn’t safe for toddlers so I supervised sidewalk time. I heard so many stories from neighborhood old timers who loved seeing kids playing outside again.
Love this article! I've found those slight changes in to have a big impact on frequency of contact which affects closeness of relationship.
After talking about a walkable neighborhood for a decade, we relocated intentionally to a three block area around our Catholic Bible Study Center and invited friends and family to consider doing the same.
It's been five years since we moved in and now more friends and family have chosen to do the same. I can easily walk with my kids (one of whom is a toddler) to playdates at any of several family's houses, all with stay-at-home moms. My mom is nine houses down from me on the same side of the street (and she jokes about us moving closer!).
I can ask last minute favors of these friends and they can ask them of me, because we're so close together. Even on days I don't have the car (we're a committed one car family (though, granted, we only have two children so far, so read no judgement from this statement on anyone else's life, we're just committed to mildly inconvenient things to increase our dependence on our friends and family and build community)) I can walk over and babysit. I had a dentist appointment today and my two kids played at two different friends' houses within three blocks of my house so they could play with kids their ages while I had an appointment.
Highly recommend the walkable neighborhood! If you don't have one, move near meeee!
Risk avoidance, rather than risk management is what gave us ineffective Covid lockdowns. If I wanted to avoid risks I wouldn’t take my dog for a walk. I might get hit by a car. I definitely wouldn’t walk up the middle of the street with her. The yellow stripes are gentler on her feet so that’s where we walk. Occasionally we need to get out of the way of cars.
Yes, yes to both points! Re: literal villages... we used to live about a 45-minute drive (from one end of the Twin Cities, MN to the other) from my husband's parents and several siblings, and we saw them about once a month. We now live 3.2 miles from my parents and .4 mile from my other two siblings (they live on the same street a house apart), in a small rural town. It's not without its downsides, but it was the #1 reason we relocated and a total gamechanger.
Wow I love that your daughter walks a mile by herself - that’s great!
I think what is most frustrating about this set of arguments re cars is how much I want to agree with it but have seen firsthand that it is impossible, at least where I live.
In the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago it has become downright dangerous to be a pedestrian post covid. Yes, of course, we still do it - but every single day cars run stop signs and red lights. This year the city passed a law that allows bike riders and motorized scooter riders to legally treat red lights as yield signs. I routinely see cars go 60 and even 70 miles an hour down my neighborhood streets if there is no traffic preventing the speed.
And giving traffic tickets or speeding tickets seems to have fallen completely out of favor. The common understanding is that cops no longer do that so you might as well drive as you please, screw the general populace.
It has made urban living materially less compelling and ensures it will be many years before my children have the freedom to move around the city independently.
In general this seems to encapsulate much of my experience with the general attitude towards children and society that has played out in recent years - the individual should never have to subsume their desires, however minute, to what might be best for others or society collectively. And the wants or needs of children no longer matter more than grown adults.
It’s cars all the way down, man.
Safetyism is in an arms race with ever faster, bigger cars which pose a real risk to children. Vehicle crashes cause the second-most deaths in children (second only recently to guns). I think parents are correctly gauging the risk that drivers pose to unattended children and thus keeping them either inside, in back yards, or under supervision at all times. It sucks for everyone!
And of course it’s the car that gave rise to our sprawling suburbs, the fenced-off, spread-out opposite of a village.
In Gastonia, NC, two parents allowed their 7 and 10 year old children to walk two blocks to go home from the grocery store. The younger child was fatally struck by an SUV. The parents have been charged with involuntary manslaughter and felony child neglect. The driver was charged with nothing.
Heartbreaking and wrong on so many levels.
https://www.gastongazette.com/story/news/crime/2025/05/29/parents-of-7-year-old-boy-charged-in-fatal-wreck/83928393007/
I only just discovered your substack so forgive me if you've already read this, but I think a review of Diane Alisa's "Love Letter to Suburbia" would be awesome. She's also a Utah parent who writes about "re-villaging" the U.S.
> Everyone involved was well-intentioned and I don’t begrudge the teacher or office staff. They were looking out for my kid, which is great.
Or more pessimistically, they were covering their ass to prevent lawsuits. It’s hard to understate how much of safety culture comes from the fact that a) any random person can trigger a business-ruining lawsuit and b) every business has to work with this random untrusted people.
(I’m sure to the teachers you’re not a rando and their justification was that they have “policies in place,” but these policies were set one level up by people to whom you and the teachers really are just untrusted randos)
Living near family is a major thing- speaking as a military spouse a several hour plane ride from grandparents. The outside part got me too. We spent a year in a downtown area of Pittsburgh. The “backyard” wasn’t safe for toddlers so I supervised sidewalk time. I heard so many stories from neighborhood old timers who loved seeing kids playing outside again.
Love this article! I've found those slight changes in to have a big impact on frequency of contact which affects closeness of relationship.
After talking about a walkable neighborhood for a decade, we relocated intentionally to a three block area around our Catholic Bible Study Center and invited friends and family to consider doing the same.
It's been five years since we moved in and now more friends and family have chosen to do the same. I can easily walk with my kids (one of whom is a toddler) to playdates at any of several family's houses, all with stay-at-home moms. My mom is nine houses down from me on the same side of the street (and she jokes about us moving closer!).
I can ask last minute favors of these friends and they can ask them of me, because we're so close together. Even on days I don't have the car (we're a committed one car family (though, granted, we only have two children so far, so read no judgement from this statement on anyone else's life, we're just committed to mildly inconvenient things to increase our dependence on our friends and family and build community)) I can walk over and babysit. I had a dentist appointment today and my two kids played at two different friends' houses within three blocks of my house so they could play with kids their ages while I had an appointment.
Highly recommend the walkable neighborhood! If you don't have one, move near meeee!
Risk avoidance, rather than risk management is what gave us ineffective Covid lockdowns. If I wanted to avoid risks I wouldn’t take my dog for a walk. I might get hit by a car. I definitely wouldn’t walk up the middle of the street with her. The yellow stripes are gentler on her feet so that’s where we walk. Occasionally we need to get out of the way of cars.