Agreed! I think it's important to try to push yourself toward certain forms of "positive inconvenience." For instance, this year I did all my holiday shopping at local businesses in my town's little downtown area and mailed everything at the post office. Shopping online would have been faster and probably cheaper, but doing it this way meant having several little interactions with people in my neighborhood. Even waiting in line at the post office is essentially time spent in community. I try to mentally separate that type of "inconvenience" from true inconveniences that don't contribute anything of value to my life, like sitting in traffic.
Shopping is such a great example that I hadn't even considered. I've always thought of buying local as primarily an economic argument (don't export your dollars to another city!) but you make a fantastic point that also has the benefit of appealing to people's self interest. Shop local bc you'll be less alone. Love it.
Great piece! I have joked that I met my husband because I didn't have air conditioning in my NYC apartment. During August my friends and I would gather after work at the apartment with the best AC and cook dinner together, and at one of those dinners I met my husband (a houseguest at the air-conditioned apartment)!
I didn't meet my wife that way. But we did meet irl before the dating app age. When I tell youths about it, sometimes they think it sounds difficult or creepy to just approach people in public. But given how difficult everyone says the app experience now is, I think the inconvenience of irl encounters may be worth it.
So true! A long while ago, I was a bank teller and so many people, especially the elderly, would come in with small daily transactions just for a regular opportunity to chat. A friend was a teller at a different bank and there was one man who would come to our branch every day and convert cash into coins; then he would go over to her branch and convert them back.
Oh wow, that's both heartwarming and a little sad too.
But yeah, I knew a guy once who used to always go into gas stations to pay because it was a chance to interact, rather than paying with his card at the pump. Similar thing.
This reminds me of At Home by Bill Bryson. A minor thesis of his is that the history of homes is the history of accumulated comfort. One of the first developments he notes is the invention of upstairs as distinct from the main hall, where folks would do all the same things they did in the hall but with greater privacy.
I feel exactly about home gyms the way I feel about soft serve machines. In my mind I imagine a future where I live in a big house with my own fully outfitted gym. But when I think about it more deeply, I suspect I'd be way more lonely never leaving the house to exercise. So yes, I agree with you 100%.
I can't help but think of all the McMansions built with basement home theaters complete with elevated seating that all their owners thought would be used to host viewings with friends and neighbors that just ended up as more expensive living rooms. Meanwhile the actual theater 3 blocks from me closed down shortly after lockdown.
My mom used to say the same thing about air conditioning - back in the 1970’s! She would not get air conditioners for our house, partly because she said houses with the doors and windows tightly shut in summer were “unfriendly,” and partly because she was the daughter of Hungarian immigrants and had absorbed the European idea that any sort of cool air blowing on you is unhealthy.
haha. You know, it's interesting bc a lot of Europeans I've met over the years are highly skeptical about AC even now. I always just thought it was a weird quirk, but maybe they intuitively understand that its going to chip away at their comparatively more social lifestyles :)
Yeah, completely agree. I've made the point that the exact way we make our homes, tech, lives maximally comfortable and customized for ourselves is the barrier to letting other people in; who themselves have been busy with their own version of the "soft serve machine".
Maybe not give up phones or A/C but something will have to go.
One thing I wonder about is if its possible to voluntarily let them go. Like, in the summer we'll have outdoor parties/desert nights despite the heat because it's more social and we'll rope in random neighbors etc. But is that kind of thing — forgoing the AC or whatever — from time to time enough? I honestly don't know.
I don't know either, but I guess what might matter most is giving up things that keep you from others.
In high school, I made an uncharacteristically wise decision to never play video games on my own. I could only play them with my friends. It probably kept me out of most of the downside of gaming, while maximizing any upside.
This all rings so very true. For years I lived in the city or urbanized suburbs, and everything I did involved interacting with other people. Exercising was going to a workout class or running on the lake trail with dozens of other people. I'd hop the bus to go somewhere. Shop at the local organic coop store in person.
Now I live in the exurbs, where everyone has quite large lots (1 - 10 acres), etc. We both work from home, so days will pass where we only see each other. My partner's instinct, if he wants to have or do something, is to buy the thing so we have it at home. I am guilty of this too - I don't like any of the local gyms, so I bought the stuff I wanted and put it in the basement. He always buys whatever tool or contraption he "needs" instead of borrowing from a neighbor, even if he only needs it to do one thing one time! Every guy on this street is the same way - has their own riding mower, generator, table saw, air compressor, wood chipper etc! That blew my mind!
However, we do not get food delivered (not even groceries), and we don't get the TV packages that include all the big sports games. We watch games at a pub, and get food from the local farmer cooperative where you pick up your box at a local brewery each week. Those are valuable opportunities to actually be around people!
I also have that impulse, to buy things instead of borrow — though I'm reminded here of an anecdote about Benjamin Franklin who allegedly used to borrow books from people specifically to build relationships with them. I hadn't considered it in this context before your comment, but now I'm wondering if maybe I can use it haha.
Also, as a fellow at-home worker, I hear you about going days without seeing other people.
I was mind-blown when I realized we had tool libraries here, where you can check out tools like books. They often also offer workshops where you can learn to do simple repairs etc.
To a degree I agree, but I think it’s more the case that these things /allow/ you to isolate yourself. But it’s a choice. You can still go out and interact with people if you want.
Will definitely check that out, thanks for the recommendation!
And yea, I agree that there's a lot of choice involved. What I don't know is...how much choice? Can I create the kind of social life my immigrant ancestors had even though I am by comparison so much richer and better off? I definitely hope so!
Choice already moves us away from the socializing, because it is mostly easier to not do something than it is to do it. So if you have no reason to interact yeah you might still choose to, but it’s far less likely.
So interesting - I agree, there is always choice, people can still go out and interact with people if they want. But I also think that time is a big factor here. There's only so many minutes in the day, and where I'm at now, I find myself so busy with work and other responsibilities that I don't really have the extra time to go out and interact with people unless it is checking the box of some other need, too (like exercising or buying groceries) And if I workout in a home gym and get groceries delivered, it's not like that is freeing up enough time to then go out and interact with people separately. And people can definitely choose to go to a gym even if they have an in-home gym; or ask a neighbor to borrow a nailgun even if they have one; or stop and ask for directions even if they have google maps on their phone, but choosing interaction in instances like these almost seems nonsensical and becomes a barrier to interaction with people.
The circle I live on is made up of small houses on small properties, all of them too small for any one family to reasonably fit a jungle gym in their backyard. So there's a community "tot lot" between two of the houses with a small jungle gym. It's just a slide, monkey bars, and four swings. But because it's not in the backyard (inconvenient) whenever my kids go there, at least one other kid on the circle will see them there and run out to join the playtime (social). And usually more than one. It makes for a wonderful communal experience.
Matt Yglesias has discussed an economic angle something similar to the soft serve ice cream problem. His example was a pizza oven. You can buy a pizza oven and have pizza whenever you want it. But the cost of the oven and the space that it requires creates a diseconomy. To what degree does a soft serve ice cream machine, its maintenance, and supplying it make it an economical or even a convenience? Why not outsource this to people who serve hundreds or thousands of soft serve cones and let them make a profit? I am not sure that it's more convenient if it creates more housekeeping.
There is a concept in learning sciences and psychology called "desirable difficulties" AKA "things that are hard, but that ultimately result in positive outcomes". Having to intentionally brave the inconvenience of the social world is the necessary result of hügge-ing ourselves into ascetic isolation. Something something robbing Peter to pay Paul.
LOVE this. I think about how we’ve succumbed to “bubble” culture, especially post pandemic, and its effects on our mental health. As someone who lives in Los Angeles, it takes extra effort to get out of said bubbles (home > car > work > car > home), but it’s definitely possible and well worth the effort. Just because something is convenient, that doesn’t always make it better!
My soft serve machine is a home espresso machine. Sounds great and fun to own, but if I had it, what reason would I ever have to go to a coffee shop again? And isn’t going to the coffee shop half the fun of drinking coffee?
Agreed! I think it's important to try to push yourself toward certain forms of "positive inconvenience." For instance, this year I did all my holiday shopping at local businesses in my town's little downtown area and mailed everything at the post office. Shopping online would have been faster and probably cheaper, but doing it this way meant having several little interactions with people in my neighborhood. Even waiting in line at the post office is essentially time spent in community. I try to mentally separate that type of "inconvenience" from true inconveniences that don't contribute anything of value to my life, like sitting in traffic.
I did this too, and it made everything sooo much more fun, and my family really loved it.
Shopping is such a great example that I hadn't even considered. I've always thought of buying local as primarily an economic argument (don't export your dollars to another city!) but you make a fantastic point that also has the benefit of appealing to people's self interest. Shop local bc you'll be less alone. Love it.
Great piece! I have joked that I met my husband because I didn't have air conditioning in my NYC apartment. During August my friends and I would gather after work at the apartment with the best AC and cook dinner together, and at one of those dinners I met my husband (a houseguest at the air-conditioned apartment)!
That's a great story!
I didn't meet my wife that way. But we did meet irl before the dating app age. When I tell youths about it, sometimes they think it sounds difficult or creepy to just approach people in public. But given how difficult everyone says the app experience now is, I think the inconvenience of irl encounters may be worth it.
So true! A long while ago, I was a bank teller and so many people, especially the elderly, would come in with small daily transactions just for a regular opportunity to chat. A friend was a teller at a different bank and there was one man who would come to our branch every day and convert cash into coins; then he would go over to her branch and convert them back.
Oh wow, that's both heartwarming and a little sad too.
But yeah, I knew a guy once who used to always go into gas stations to pay because it was a chance to interact, rather than paying with his card at the pump. Similar thing.
"there was one man who would come to our branch every day and convert cash into coins; then he would go over to her branch and convert them back"
This is like, social arbitrage or something. Like Jim, I find it both adorable and sad.
This reminds me of At Home by Bill Bryson. A minor thesis of his is that the history of homes is the history of accumulated comfort. One of the first developments he notes is the invention of upstairs as distinct from the main hall, where folks would do all the same things they did in the hall but with greater privacy.
As someone who loves the topics of history, family, and architecture, I can't believe I haven't read this. Adding it to the list now. Thanks!
Another one I just read (published in 2006, with accompanying understandable data gaps) is House Thinking by Winifred Gallagher.
I would add to this category "conveniences" like home gyms and even backyards. I'd much prefer proximity to a park than a private gated yard!
I feel exactly about home gyms the way I feel about soft serve machines. In my mind I imagine a future where I live in a big house with my own fully outfitted gym. But when I think about it more deeply, I suspect I'd be way more lonely never leaving the house to exercise. So yes, I agree with you 100%.
I can't help but think of all the McMansions built with basement home theaters complete with elevated seating that all their owners thought would be used to host viewings with friends and neighbors that just ended up as more expensive living rooms. Meanwhile the actual theater 3 blocks from me closed down shortly after lockdown.
My mom used to say the same thing about air conditioning - back in the 1970’s! She would not get air conditioners for our house, partly because she said houses with the doors and windows tightly shut in summer were “unfriendly,” and partly because she was the daughter of Hungarian immigrants and had absorbed the European idea that any sort of cool air blowing on you is unhealthy.
haha. You know, it's interesting bc a lot of Europeans I've met over the years are highly skeptical about AC even now. I always just thought it was a weird quirk, but maybe they intuitively understand that its going to chip away at their comparatively more social lifestyles :)
I came for the Ziggy Pig.
Haha, glad someone knows the reference!
Worked on me too.
Yeah, completely agree. I've made the point that the exact way we make our homes, tech, lives maximally comfortable and customized for ourselves is the barrier to letting other people in; who themselves have been busy with their own version of the "soft serve machine".
Maybe not give up phones or A/C but something will have to go.
One thing I wonder about is if its possible to voluntarily let them go. Like, in the summer we'll have outdoor parties/desert nights despite the heat because it's more social and we'll rope in random neighbors etc. But is that kind of thing — forgoing the AC or whatever — from time to time enough? I honestly don't know.
I don't know either, but I guess what might matter most is giving up things that keep you from others.
In high school, I made an uncharacteristically wise decision to never play video games on my own. I could only play them with my friends. It probably kept me out of most of the downside of gaming, while maximizing any upside.
This all rings so very true. For years I lived in the city or urbanized suburbs, and everything I did involved interacting with other people. Exercising was going to a workout class or running on the lake trail with dozens of other people. I'd hop the bus to go somewhere. Shop at the local organic coop store in person.
Now I live in the exurbs, where everyone has quite large lots (1 - 10 acres), etc. We both work from home, so days will pass where we only see each other. My partner's instinct, if he wants to have or do something, is to buy the thing so we have it at home. I am guilty of this too - I don't like any of the local gyms, so I bought the stuff I wanted and put it in the basement. He always buys whatever tool or contraption he "needs" instead of borrowing from a neighbor, even if he only needs it to do one thing one time! Every guy on this street is the same way - has their own riding mower, generator, table saw, air compressor, wood chipper etc! That blew my mind!
However, we do not get food delivered (not even groceries), and we don't get the TV packages that include all the big sports games. We watch games at a pub, and get food from the local farmer cooperative where you pick up your box at a local brewery each week. Those are valuable opportunities to actually be around people!
I also have that impulse, to buy things instead of borrow — though I'm reminded here of an anecdote about Benjamin Franklin who allegedly used to borrow books from people specifically to build relationships with them. I hadn't considered it in this context before your comment, but now I'm wondering if maybe I can use it haha.
Also, as a fellow at-home worker, I hear you about going days without seeing other people.
I was mind-blown when I realized we had tool libraries here, where you can check out tools like books. They often also offer workshops where you can learn to do simple repairs etc.
To a degree I agree, but I think it’s more the case that these things /allow/ you to isolate yourself. But it’s a choice. You can still go out and interact with people if you want.
Consider Michael Smerconish’s “Mingle Project”.
Will definitely check that out, thanks for the recommendation!
And yea, I agree that there's a lot of choice involved. What I don't know is...how much choice? Can I create the kind of social life my immigrant ancestors had even though I am by comparison so much richer and better off? I definitely hope so!
Choice already moves us away from the socializing, because it is mostly easier to not do something than it is to do it. So if you have no reason to interact yeah you might still choose to, but it’s far less likely.
So interesting - I agree, there is always choice, people can still go out and interact with people if they want. But I also think that time is a big factor here. There's only so many minutes in the day, and where I'm at now, I find myself so busy with work and other responsibilities that I don't really have the extra time to go out and interact with people unless it is checking the box of some other need, too (like exercising or buying groceries) And if I workout in a home gym and get groceries delivered, it's not like that is freeing up enough time to then go out and interact with people separately. And people can definitely choose to go to a gym even if they have an in-home gym; or ask a neighbor to borrow a nailgun even if they have one; or stop and ask for directions even if they have google maps on their phone, but choosing interaction in instances like these almost seems nonsensical and becomes a barrier to interaction with people.
The circle I live on is made up of small houses on small properties, all of them too small for any one family to reasonably fit a jungle gym in their backyard. So there's a community "tot lot" between two of the houses with a small jungle gym. It's just a slide, monkey bars, and four swings. But because it's not in the backyard (inconvenient) whenever my kids go there, at least one other kid on the circle will see them there and run out to join the playtime (social). And usually more than one. It makes for a wonderful communal experience.
Matt Yglesias has discussed an economic angle something similar to the soft serve ice cream problem. His example was a pizza oven. You can buy a pizza oven and have pizza whenever you want it. But the cost of the oven and the space that it requires creates a diseconomy. To what degree does a soft serve ice cream machine, its maintenance, and supplying it make it an economical or even a convenience? Why not outsource this to people who serve hundreds or thousands of soft serve cones and let them make a profit? I am not sure that it's more convenient if it creates more housekeeping.
There is a concept in learning sciences and psychology called "desirable difficulties" AKA "things that are hard, but that ultimately result in positive outcomes". Having to intentionally brave the inconvenience of the social world is the necessary result of hügge-ing ourselves into ascetic isolation. Something something robbing Peter to pay Paul.
LOVE this. I think about how we’ve succumbed to “bubble” culture, especially post pandemic, and its effects on our mental health. As someone who lives in Los Angeles, it takes extra effort to get out of said bubbles (home > car > work > car > home), but it’s definitely possible and well worth the effort. Just because something is convenient, that doesn’t always make it better!
My soft serve machine is a home espresso machine. Sounds great and fun to own, but if I had it, what reason would I ever have to go to a coffee shop again? And isn’t going to the coffee shop half the fun of drinking coffee?
I’ve spent a lot of money and time making my home more “comfortable.” And I’ve been thinking a lot about this article in the last few days….