Great article. I particularly liked how you expounded on this idea: “All of which is to say that the work-as-passion paradigm, the idea that work is life’s foremost endeavor, is hammered into all of us from all angles and at all times.” The Institute for Family Studies refers to this as “workism” and has found it to be associated with lower fertility: https://ifstudies.org/blog/gender-workism-and-fertility. I imagine it’s associated with other things too!
Well said. I would say, though, that this type of messaging varies from family to family. Some are certainly going to emphasize leaning into your passions. Others are going to emphasize making prudent, pragmatic choices to make a living and help support you family. This could be a class thing, or a family culture thing...
Yeah, definitely. I had a couple of friends whose parents were very focused on them becoming doctors, and their own career aspirations were not really a factor. I suspect this becomes more of a thing as you become wealthier and feel like there's less urgency to choose a lucrative career. Both the doctor friends who come to mind were children of first gen immigrants who struggled financially, at least earlier in their lives.
One thing I thought was interesting about the NYT piece was that people have actually studied the pervasiveness of the "follow your passion" advice. I wouldn't have guessed that'd even be a thing you could quantify.
Preach. As someone who pursued being a visual artist for the majority of my adulthood and am now switching careers to something I'm lucky enough to be passionate about AND will provide me with more stability and a lifestyle that allows me to focus on family, I can attest to the way that this advice can severely lead people astray. I think it's a real problem for a lot of young people today (myself included still... but barely.)
For me, reading a trifecta of books back-to-back in 2021 really deconstructed my entire idea of work, creativity, and priorities rapidly:
* How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell really got the idea of decentralizing the role of labor/work in one's life entirely through to me.
* Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman helped me to think about what was really, truly most important to me. Turns out, it was starting a family—but too much of my time was going into hustling for work to ever really make that happen, and I wouldn't be able to support one financially doing what I was doing, so I needed to make changes and needed to start right away.
* The Death of the Artist by William Deresiewicz showed me the way I'd been duped by the random events of cultural unfolding starting decades earlier in combination with the profit interests of big tech to pursue what I was pursuing, and specifically, to pursue it in the way I'd been pursuing it.
I feel lucky to have happened to read all of those in rapid succession at a pivotal moment.
With herculean efforts on every front (financial, emotional, material, mental, social...) I have gone from being a single, childless, uneducated (past high school) woman making barely enough to live on in a cheap-because-unsafe apartment while trying to be an artist with honestly a very vague and ineffective plan ever to make that happen and also yearning for a family but not actively pursuing it (that's supposed to just "happen" right? But career is up to my efforts...)
...
To a deeply partnered, pregnant, college graduate (and pursuing a master's)... still making barely enough to live on, but changing that!... living in a safe place on my way to a career that will give me ample time, money, and—lucky for me, meaning—to get by. In hindsight, I think I would've lived a happier life overall if I'd just gone into nursing or something–stable and helpful–and started a family earlier. If I went back in time and told younger me this, I would've scoffed heavily. But I think I suffered needlessly a lot trying instead to "find myself" and "follow my passions" and generally be too me-focused.
That said, I suppose having this wisdom and the benefit of hindsight is only going to make me a better mom. I'm glad I didn't start at 22 and then suffer endless angst about the passionate careers I should be pursuing instead, which might have made me less attentive to family life.
Jim, the subjects you write about and your writing itself speaks to me pretty strongly in this transitional period of my life.
A recent conversation I had with my wife regarding these topics was thinking about the place a career and job has in your life. I am very much in your corner with the belief that family and relationships should be our passion - but my concern is the effect that the thing you do day in and day out for work effecting yourself and your relationship negatively if they career or job makes you angry, stresses you out too much, or leaves you resentful after each day.
Like anything there are extremes on both ends but I believe that finding something that provides, engages you in some meaningful way and also offers a good work life balance is the best. I’ve joked that if I had a job that allowed me to push a button daily and have everything I mentioned above - I would be happy, but the more I think about it - I don’t think this is the case. I believe the button pusher job could lead to a mind numbing experience that would result in withdrawal and distancing myself from my relationships due to the job being so maddening. It’s a balance I find myself thinking about often and have yet to figure out.
Jim, the movie that celebrates sacrificing career ambitions is probably hiding under your nose (or under the Xmas 🌲!): It’s A Wonderful Life.
Oh yeah, that is a fantastic example! Maybe when the holidays get closer I'll do a post on it.
Oh my! Very interesting and thought-provoking article. I have to think about it! Thank you.
Thanks!
Great article. I particularly liked how you expounded on this idea: “All of which is to say that the work-as-passion paradigm, the idea that work is life’s foremost endeavor, is hammered into all of us from all angles and at all times.” The Institute for Family Studies refers to this as “workism” and has found it to be associated with lower fertility: https://ifstudies.org/blog/gender-workism-and-fertility. I imagine it’s associated with other things too!
Thanks! And that IFS piece is great. Workism is such bummer to me, even as it seems to be the guiding work view of so many people I know.
Well said. I would say, though, that this type of messaging varies from family to family. Some are certainly going to emphasize leaning into your passions. Others are going to emphasize making prudent, pragmatic choices to make a living and help support you family. This could be a class thing, or a family culture thing...
Yeah, definitely. I had a couple of friends whose parents were very focused on them becoming doctors, and their own career aspirations were not really a factor. I suspect this becomes more of a thing as you become wealthier and feel like there's less urgency to choose a lucrative career. Both the doctor friends who come to mind were children of first gen immigrants who struggled financially, at least earlier in their lives.
One thing I thought was interesting about the NYT piece was that people have actually studied the pervasiveness of the "follow your passion" advice. I wouldn't have guessed that'd even be a thing you could quantify.
Preach. As someone who pursued being a visual artist for the majority of my adulthood and am now switching careers to something I'm lucky enough to be passionate about AND will provide me with more stability and a lifestyle that allows me to focus on family, I can attest to the way that this advice can severely lead people astray. I think it's a real problem for a lot of young people today (myself included still... but barely.)
For me, reading a trifecta of books back-to-back in 2021 really deconstructed my entire idea of work, creativity, and priorities rapidly:
* How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell really got the idea of decentralizing the role of labor/work in one's life entirely through to me.
* Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman helped me to think about what was really, truly most important to me. Turns out, it was starting a family—but too much of my time was going into hustling for work to ever really make that happen, and I wouldn't be able to support one financially doing what I was doing, so I needed to make changes and needed to start right away.
* The Death of the Artist by William Deresiewicz showed me the way I'd been duped by the random events of cultural unfolding starting decades earlier in combination with the profit interests of big tech to pursue what I was pursuing, and specifically, to pursue it in the way I'd been pursuing it.
I feel lucky to have happened to read all of those in rapid succession at a pivotal moment.
With herculean efforts on every front (financial, emotional, material, mental, social...) I have gone from being a single, childless, uneducated (past high school) woman making barely enough to live on in a cheap-because-unsafe apartment while trying to be an artist with honestly a very vague and ineffective plan ever to make that happen and also yearning for a family but not actively pursuing it (that's supposed to just "happen" right? But career is up to my efforts...)
...
To a deeply partnered, pregnant, college graduate (and pursuing a master's)... still making barely enough to live on, but changing that!... living in a safe place on my way to a career that will give me ample time, money, and—lucky for me, meaning—to get by. In hindsight, I think I would've lived a happier life overall if I'd just gone into nursing or something–stable and helpful–and started a family earlier. If I went back in time and told younger me this, I would've scoffed heavily. But I think I suffered needlessly a lot trying instead to "find myself" and "follow my passions" and generally be too me-focused.
That said, I suppose having this wisdom and the benefit of hindsight is only going to make me a better mom. I'm glad I didn't start at 22 and then suffer endless angst about the passionate careers I should be pursuing instead, which might have made me less attentive to family life.
Jim, the subjects you write about and your writing itself speaks to me pretty strongly in this transitional period of my life.
A recent conversation I had with my wife regarding these topics was thinking about the place a career and job has in your life. I am very much in your corner with the belief that family and relationships should be our passion - but my concern is the effect that the thing you do day in and day out for work effecting yourself and your relationship negatively if they career or job makes you angry, stresses you out too much, or leaves you resentful after each day.
Like anything there are extremes on both ends but I believe that finding something that provides, engages you in some meaningful way and also offers a good work life balance is the best. I’ve joked that if I had a job that allowed me to push a button daily and have everything I mentioned above - I would be happy, but the more I think about it - I don’t think this is the case. I believe the button pusher job could lead to a mind numbing experience that would result in withdrawal and distancing myself from my relationships due to the job being so maddening. It’s a balance I find myself thinking about often and have yet to figure out.