I read the Slate piece, and though some of it annoyed me I thought this line was brilliant: “As a general rule of thumb, the more Online you get about something, the more miserable that thing will make you.” Agree one thousand percent that this is true about parenting and about everything else too. There’s good commiseration and helpful ideas and all the things available to us, which is cool, but it’s very easy to get obsessed w a certain type of content, and then it starts to not serve. It’s very hard to be a mindful consumer of information on the Internet.
One of the best things about having kids for me has been how it has totally up leveled me as a person. I like to joke that parenting is the best personal growth hack there is. Do you feel that way?
I love how you mentioned "leveling up." I can very much relate to that, and I think the data generally bears this out, where people increase things like earnings after having kids. I know I was kind of drifting before having kids, and then after becoming a parent I realized I had a certain purpose in life that was lacking before.
It's leveling, for sure! And while stressful at times, it does in fact both open you up to new ways of thinking about the world, and refines your BS meter about life. Like, your time is now more precious, your priorities different, your ability to focus and get stuff done in less time, to not care as much how people perceive you because your kids needs come before other's perceptions..... for me those are some of the big personal growth areas that have been turbo-charged. haha
Jim, love the anecdote about how much fun punctuates parenting. Not that moms don't have fun, but I especially love seeing my husband and other dads just loving those stupidly fun moments of silliness, especially when there's a hint of risky danger.
For sure. I can't remember where I saw this, but I once heard someone with some expertise say that dads are particularly good at rough housing, and that rough housing is actually good for kids in a variety of ways (that I also can't entirely remember now lol). Despite having forgotten the context, I now use that comment as a justification to throw my kids in the air and on the couch etc every night.
And in terms of personal growth, yes, I totally agree. I would say for me, I'm a less vain person. I don't think I was ever the world's most conceited person (at least I hope I wasn't!), but I definitely cared about what people thought of me in ways that are so much less important now.
There's a guy, Dr. Anthony B. Bradley who is one of those who talks about roughhousing with dads being imperative for kids development in certain ways (especially for boys). So sometimes when my husband is having a wild moment with them, he'll yell out BOYS NEED ROUGHOUSING WITH THEIR DADS and it cracks me up.
Parenting is extremely rewarding. And very hard, sometimes. But nothing worth having comes easy. That doesn’t make for an alarm-inducing headline, though. So, thanks for countering these scare pieces with your grounded post here. :)
Yeah, that was my first thought during this post, too — "Who says anything that's difficult is automatically bad? We don't apply that to other things in life!" Reminded me of this recent post of Tsh's: https://thecommon.place/p/thisisthelife
Love all of these comments. :) Jim, it's awesome that you shared a story about international travel because it gives me hope that an international trip is still possible with kids haha. But also, just last summer, we took our kids (ages 3 and 2 as well) on a trip to Florida. No theme parks, no relatives to see, just our little family exploring the Orlando area. I think it'll go down as one of the best trips I've been on. Our kids loved the Gaylord resort, for goodness sake! And we stayed in an Airbnb that was walking distance from the beach. It was relaxed and easy, with no obligations to stress out over, and yet an entirely new environment for the kids to be in. Safe to say we all enjoyed ourselves and made lasting memories, even with kids so young!
Travel has really surprised me. I thought it was just going to be awful, and in some ways it is harder. We all slept in the same tiny hotel rooms in Spain, and I was tired most of the trip. But in retrospect I barely even remember the fatigue.
I would also say international travel is totally doable! We lost my wife's flight benefits last year, and so bought plane tickets for this trip. The reason we chose Spain was we went on Google and looks at everywhere in the world for the cheapest flights. Turns out there's a newer budget option between the US and Spain, so it was dirt cheap. I think we ended up spending more on Gelato and soda than airfare haha.
Amazing! That sounds like a fun way to plan an international trip, going by the cheapest flights. Might not be the country you've been dying to get to, but still a total blast, I'm sure. Now that neither kiddo flies for free, the cheap flights to Orlando were a big draw, so that can certainly apply internationally haha! It's true, in some ways it is harder. We've definitely squeezed into tiny hotel rooms ourselves. I hope the coffee in Spain was good as well, if you're into that sort of caffeine intake. :)
Loved this post so much! Thanks for writing it!
I read the Slate piece, and though some of it annoyed me I thought this line was brilliant: “As a general rule of thumb, the more Online you get about something, the more miserable that thing will make you.” Agree one thousand percent that this is true about parenting and about everything else too. There’s good commiseration and helpful ideas and all the things available to us, which is cool, but it’s very easy to get obsessed w a certain type of content, and then it starts to not serve. It’s very hard to be a mindful consumer of information on the Internet.
One of the best things about having kids for me has been how it has totally up leveled me as a person. I like to joke that parenting is the best personal growth hack there is. Do you feel that way?
I love how you mentioned "leveling up." I can very much relate to that, and I think the data generally bears this out, where people increase things like earnings after having kids. I know I was kind of drifting before having kids, and then after becoming a parent I realized I had a certain purpose in life that was lacking before.
It's leveling, for sure! And while stressful at times, it does in fact both open you up to new ways of thinking about the world, and refines your BS meter about life. Like, your time is now more precious, your priorities different, your ability to focus and get stuff done in less time, to not care as much how people perceive you because your kids needs come before other's perceptions..... for me those are some of the big personal growth areas that have been turbo-charged. haha
Jim, love the anecdote about how much fun punctuates parenting. Not that moms don't have fun, but I especially love seeing my husband and other dads just loving those stupidly fun moments of silliness, especially when there's a hint of risky danger.
For sure. I can't remember where I saw this, but I once heard someone with some expertise say that dads are particularly good at rough housing, and that rough housing is actually good for kids in a variety of ways (that I also can't entirely remember now lol). Despite having forgotten the context, I now use that comment as a justification to throw my kids in the air and on the couch etc every night.
And in terms of personal growth, yes, I totally agree. I would say for me, I'm a less vain person. I don't think I was ever the world's most conceited person (at least I hope I wasn't!), but I definitely cared about what people thought of me in ways that are so much less important now.
There's a guy, Dr. Anthony B. Bradley who is one of those who talks about roughhousing with dads being imperative for kids development in certain ways (especially for boys). So sometimes when my husband is having a wild moment with them, he'll yell out BOYS NEED ROUGHOUSING WITH THEIR DADS and it cracks me up.
haha I LOVE this!
Parenting is extremely rewarding. And very hard, sometimes. But nothing worth having comes easy. That doesn’t make for an alarm-inducing headline, though. So, thanks for countering these scare pieces with your grounded post here. :)
"But nothing worth having comes easy."
Such a great point — that often seems to be forgotten!
Yeah, that was my first thought during this post, too — "Who says anything that's difficult is automatically bad? We don't apply that to other things in life!" Reminded me of this recent post of Tsh's: https://thecommon.place/p/thisisthelife
Love all of these comments. :) Jim, it's awesome that you shared a story about international travel because it gives me hope that an international trip is still possible with kids haha. But also, just last summer, we took our kids (ages 3 and 2 as well) on a trip to Florida. No theme parks, no relatives to see, just our little family exploring the Orlando area. I think it'll go down as one of the best trips I've been on. Our kids loved the Gaylord resort, for goodness sake! And we stayed in an Airbnb that was walking distance from the beach. It was relaxed and easy, with no obligations to stress out over, and yet an entirely new environment for the kids to be in. Safe to say we all enjoyed ourselves and made lasting memories, even with kids so young!
Love it!
Travel has really surprised me. I thought it was just going to be awful, and in some ways it is harder. We all slept in the same tiny hotel rooms in Spain, and I was tired most of the trip. But in retrospect I barely even remember the fatigue.
I would also say international travel is totally doable! We lost my wife's flight benefits last year, and so bought plane tickets for this trip. The reason we chose Spain was we went on Google and looks at everywhere in the world for the cheapest flights. Turns out there's a newer budget option between the US and Spain, so it was dirt cheap. I think we ended up spending more on Gelato and soda than airfare haha.
Amazing! That sounds like a fun way to plan an international trip, going by the cheapest flights. Might not be the country you've been dying to get to, but still a total blast, I'm sure. Now that neither kiddo flies for free, the cheap flights to Orlando were a big draw, so that can certainly apply internationally haha! It's true, in some ways it is harder. We've definitely squeezed into tiny hotel rooms ourselves. I hope the coffee in Spain was good as well, if you're into that sort of caffeine intake. :)
Yesterday I taught my youngest to roar. Is there anything better than that?
At 13 months she has a very impressive vocabulary: YAY, DA DOO (thank you), ROAR, and HI
That's pretty good! My youngest is about to turn 2 and her vocabulary isn't much bigger than that haha. But she can roar really well!