I agree with everything Jim, but we also used to have a norm of not discussing religion or politics with anyone other than closest friends and family and I think that was a good norm and we should bring it back 🤣🤣🤣
"In other words, more time together appears to actually be the antidote to fraying relationships — as counterintuitive as that sounds. The key, I think, is building a catalogue of positive experiences that form the foundation of the relationship, so that it’s not just all arguments and passive aggression."
This rings true. When someone has parents, siblings, perhaps other family hours or states away, it is hard to rack up those mundane, positive experiences. At least enough to offset any tension or passive aggressive arguments. Those negative experiences can become a bigger part of one's memory of the relationship, more than it otherwise would be.
Another thought: We were super fortunate that we had the freedom to move when we had kids so we'd be close to my family. But we still underestimated the impact of distance. We're 45 min from my parents and only see them once or twice a month. In retrospect, I should hvae moved to be within walking distance so my kids could go over there whenever they wanted. I don't think that means we're racking up negative experience/memories, but we could have done even better in terms of amassing positive memories.
Being the "weird uncle" vs "yeah, my Uncle Jim, he's kinda weird..." is concentration vs dispersion of the modifier. We do not give enough credit to people arranging social situations where what is weird about people are not the points getting highlighted. "Really? Tell me why you think that." can be gasoline.
Yeah, I agree. I don't know if it's more people having issues with family, or more people sharing or what (probably a combo) but it does seem like we hear about a large amount of family strife these days.
I agree with everything Jim, but we also used to have a norm of not discussing religion or politics with anyone other than closest friends and family and I think that was a good norm and we should bring it back 🤣🤣🤣
hear, hear!
I agree with you two to an extent. I guess my caveat, though, is that my favorite people are the ones I can discuss anything with!
"In other words, more time together appears to actually be the antidote to fraying relationships — as counterintuitive as that sounds. The key, I think, is building a catalogue of positive experiences that form the foundation of the relationship, so that it’s not just all arguments and passive aggression."
This rings true. When someone has parents, siblings, perhaps other family hours or states away, it is hard to rack up those mundane, positive experiences. At least enough to offset any tension or passive aggressive arguments. Those negative experiences can become a bigger part of one's memory of the relationship, more than it otherwise would be.
Yeah, distance is a huge factor I think.
Another thought: We were super fortunate that we had the freedom to move when we had kids so we'd be close to my family. But we still underestimated the impact of distance. We're 45 min from my parents and only see them once or twice a month. In retrospect, I should hvae moved to be within walking distance so my kids could go over there whenever they wanted. I don't think that means we're racking up negative experience/memories, but we could have done even better in terms of amassing positive memories.
Being the "weird uncle" vs "yeah, my Uncle Jim, he's kinda weird..." is concentration vs dispersion of the modifier. We do not give enough credit to people arranging social situations where what is weird about people are not the points getting highlighted. "Really? Tell me why you think that." can be gasoline.
Love this way of putting it. I wish I had thought of this!
Yeah, I agree. I don't know if it's more people having issues with family, or more people sharing or what (probably a combo) but it does seem like we hear about a large amount of family strife these days.